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When we think of a "mixed marriage," we typically imagine two individuals of different races or religions. But the mixed-orientation marriage -- with one straight spouse and one who's gay or lesbian -- is just as real, though far more likely to operate underground. When I work with these couples, I find them to be some of the most painful experiences in my work because of the deep love and affection they still have for one another both sexually and emotionally. They don't want to end their marriages.
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The Kinsey Scale, developed in by Alfred Kinsey, Clyde Martin and Wardell Pomeroy, uses the numbers 1 through 6 to determine an individual's sexual preference. People who place at a 0 on the scale are considered heterosexual -- those with a score of 6 are considered gay or lesbian. Bisexual men and women are between a 1 and 5 on the scale. Aside from the formal test, there are several signs and behaviors that can indicate bisexuality in men. Counselor and nurse Kathy Labriola asserts that some men are circumstantial bisexuals, meaning they live as straight men most of the time, but will display attraction to the same sex when an opposite-sex partner is not available.
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Far too many women wonder if their husbands are gay without ever talking about it with anyone else, which can feel very isolating. Though I absolutely understand why gay men would marry straight women, I cannot condone it. Only a small percentage of marriages involve two virgins on the wedding night — at least, in the US. Most women who marry gay men find themselves in a lot of trouble when it comes to the bedroom, and it totally makes sense. Women married to gay men will never catch their spouses watching straight porn because they have no interest in women whatsoever.
For months, the pair had been fighting more and more. Jim had been distracted, their relationship was increasingly strained. It was at the climax of one of their arguments that the truth came tumbling out. Around the world, many gay men are married to women. Twice a month they gather for two hours to share stories.